"...sometimes silence is a habit that hurts." The View From Saturday by E.L. Konigsburg
I was listening to an audiobook and heard this quotation and thought to myself… “Oh how true a statement….” Being shy as a child there were often times I wished I had spoken instead of keeping silent. Now as an adult there are frequently moments when I am glad I keep my mouth shut because my foot is actually rather large and I do prefer food to rubber soles.
But the more I think about those words, the more they resound with my experiences. When it comes to composing a blog or a letter or even a paper (over a presentation), it is so much easier to express my thoughts; but vocalizing still has its painful moments.
So what do we do? What do >I< do about this issue of silence? That’s a great question… anyone have an answer?
There are always catalysts for the swirl of thoughts inside my head…. Suffice it to say I am having trouble effectively communicating with someone. It tears me up inside and in the last two months has brought many tears to my eyes.
(Post script: the friendship blogging has not been forgotten)
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
That’s what friends are for… maybe not.
First understand that this is a story told from the heart, mind and frustration of an introvert. That being said, understand I am not upset, I am simply puzzled and probably mildly annoyed at the actions of a friend.
Second please note that I do know there are other underlying issues that cause rudeness or lack of attention.
Background:
Over the course of my 32 years I have made good friends, moved on from good and bad friends, and discovered there are such things as “convenience” friends. People who only care to be around you when it suits them and when it doesn’t they blow you off at the drop of a hat, the blink of an eye or an ignore button on a cell phone… no words necessary, just ignore-ance… or ignorance....
Why is that? Let’s examine:
We live in an ever-increasing technological world wherein four people riding down the road in the same vehicle will all be on the phone. That might be humorous if it weren’t so sad. We have a complete disregard for the human being sitting right next to us.
We value the wrong things, we treat each other poorly and we expect “oh well, they will get over it” such utter disdain we demonstrate when we overlook another person.
We have bad attitudes. Shame on us. Especially those of us who claim to be followers of Christ. I have been ignored for a TV program, a laptop, a video game, and a cell phone (I did say technology so I won’t name other non-tech, but they do exist). Living, breathing me matters less than plastic, circuit boards, and pixels.
Wow, that’s tough, and while it irks me to my marrow to be with someone who isn’t paying attention when I rarely see them anyway, I sadly admit I have done the same thing. I’m no less guilty, just extremely conscious of it. So much so that I end all calls (except with my Grandmother) before checking out with a cashier… because she/he is a living breathing person who should be acknowledged as more than a self-checkout machine we don’t even speak to….
For the love of another person, put your tech away and interact with the person across from you for a change.
Second please note that I do know there are other underlying issues that cause rudeness or lack of attention.
Background:
Over the course of my 32 years I have made good friends, moved on from good and bad friends, and discovered there are such things as “convenience” friends. People who only care to be around you when it suits them and when it doesn’t they blow you off at the drop of a hat, the blink of an eye or an ignore button on a cell phone… no words necessary, just ignore-ance… or ignorance....
Why is that? Let’s examine:
We live in an ever-increasing technological world wherein four people riding down the road in the same vehicle will all be on the phone. That might be humorous if it weren’t so sad. We have a complete disregard for the human being sitting right next to us.
We value the wrong things, we treat each other poorly and we expect “oh well, they will get over it” such utter disdain we demonstrate when we overlook another person.
We have bad attitudes. Shame on us. Especially those of us who claim to be followers of Christ. I have been ignored for a TV program, a laptop, a video game, and a cell phone (I did say technology so I won’t name other non-tech, but they do exist). Living, breathing me matters less than plastic, circuit boards, and pixels.
Wow, that’s tough, and while it irks me to my marrow to be with someone who isn’t paying attention when I rarely see them anyway, I sadly admit I have done the same thing. I’m no less guilty, just extremely conscious of it. So much so that I end all calls (except with my Grandmother) before checking out with a cashier… because she/he is a living breathing person who should be acknowledged as more than a self-checkout machine we don’t even speak to….
For the love of another person, put your tech away and interact with the person across from you for a change.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
What will the New Year hold for you?
This is something my pastor sent to all of us on the email list and I appreciated it enough to repost it here:
I hope you have set some strong physical and spiritual resolutions for 2012. But I also hope these these are 15 exercises we will all abstain from in the New Year:
1. Jumping on the bandwagon
2. Wading through paperwork
3. Running around in circles
4. Pushing your luck
5. Spinning your wheels
6. Adding fuel to the fire
7. Beating your head against the wall
8. Climbing the walls
9. Beating your own drum
10. Dragging your heels
11. Jumping to conclusions
12. Grasping at straws.
13. Fishing for compliments
14. Throwing your weight around
15. Passing the Buck :-)
I hope you have set some strong physical and spiritual resolutions for 2012. But I also hope these these are 15 exercises we will all abstain from in the New Year:
1. Jumping on the bandwagon
2. Wading through paperwork
3. Running around in circles
4. Pushing your luck
5. Spinning your wheels
6. Adding fuel to the fire
7. Beating your head against the wall
8. Climbing the walls
9. Beating your own drum
10. Dragging your heels
11. Jumping to conclusions
12. Grasping at straws.
13. Fishing for compliments
14. Throwing your weight around
15. Passing the Buck :-)
Homer said "Everyone should have a personal motto" his was "always be late." The Cat who had 60 Whiskers" by Lillian Jackson Braun. What's your motto?
I chuckled when I heard this on the audiobook I was listening to, I mean really... what is your personal motto?
No matter the circumstances I wish to have inexpressible joy. sometimes I fall short. But it is my goal to be filled with joy, why? Well because I have a Creator that loves me and despite my short-comings he is ALWAYS there for me.
1Peter 1:6-9 So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls.
(emphasis mine)
My other goal/motto is not to be tossed about like a wave in the ocean. The ocean is quite beautiful, but the justling about is not a good thing, sometimes I waver more than I ought and this is a constant reminder to me, to stand firm and remember how great and awesome the Lord is:
James 1:5-6 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.
I chuckled when I heard this on the audiobook I was listening to, I mean really... what is your personal motto?
No matter the circumstances I wish to have inexpressible joy. sometimes I fall short. But it is my goal to be filled with joy, why? Well because I have a Creator that loves me and despite my short-comings he is ALWAYS there for me.
1Peter 1:6-9 So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls.
(emphasis mine)
My other goal/motto is not to be tossed about like a wave in the ocean. The ocean is quite beautiful, but the justling about is not a good thing, sometimes I waver more than I ought and this is a constant reminder to me, to stand firm and remember how great and awesome the Lord is:
James 1:5-6 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Merry Christmas
Hello all! Merry Christmas! YAY Ransom was born December 21st! Please pray for him, he's dehydrated and a little jaundiced.
Showers of blessings:
- Brandi is home and has a plan forming in her heart for what to do after graduation
- I can go back to school in the spring
- Ransom is handsome!
- Someone thought of me!
- Friends who encourage
- Mild days, that makes me want to take deep long breaths (makes me smile)
- I have a house to live in
- My car has new tires
- Did you know how good it feels to pay bills? (Thank God for a job!)
- Clarence and Bonnie
- Kahlayla, so smart and sweet
- I talked to Kris a few days ago... it was good to hear her voice (even if it was croaky ;-)
- John & Amber are going to have another baby
- CU and professors & staff that actually take an interest in students
- Lynn & Miss Irma
- Fun with Meagan (and LOTR)
- Silly girls who wear everyone else's shoes
- A special secret!
- FOOOOOD!
I have more, but I'm being called!
Saturday, October 08, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
“[…] in the moment when I truly understand my enemy—understand him well enough to defeat him. Then in that very moment, I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody what they want, what they believe and not love them like they love themselves and in that very moment when I love them…
“You beat them.” For a moment she was not afraid of his understanding.
“No you don’t understand. I destroy them, I make it impossible for them to every hurt me again. I grind them and grind them until they don’t exist.”
Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card
“You beat them.” For a moment she was not afraid of his understanding.
“No you don’t understand. I destroy them, I make it impossible for them to every hurt me again. I grind them and grind them until they don’t exist.”
Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
blessings
the pastor encouraged us to list our blessings last night and so because I have just entered a post that was less than pleasant I think I will right now:
- A beautiful nephew and niece and one more on the way.
- friendship (KB, NC, SJ, CR, AH, MR, SC, CH and oh so many more)
- talent
- living grandparents
- compassion
- sweet pickles (the person, and the food)
- a God who loves me and provides for me
- a car that runs
that's all for now ;-)
Fit for this job…
Yesterday at work I began to question further my ability to work with children in high stress situations.
Why? Well because there were two young people in the library. A dating couple, the young man was rather loud and in her face. The young lady was quiet, and flinched when he got so close I could barely see air between them.
Clearly they have a history. I do not pretend to know it all, but what portions I do know based upon their frequent visits and my instincts, suggests a less than pleasant relationship. So after his exit and return from the building (at least ten times) and a brief conversation with her in the bathroom, I called the police.
You see, I left my position at the circulation desk while he was barring her way into the bathroom… walked straight up to them and stated, “You need to let her go.” In that split second wherein the words left my mouth and I began to question my ability to MAKE him let her go, I realized I had no way of truly defending her, or myself. He isn’t a big guy (praise the Lord) and he had enough sense to let her go. But still, he was angry and I didn’t have any other words to say.
I just don’t know if I am capable of dealing with that kind of incident with parents involved, or even with several youth or children. I mean really, I get seriously emotional. Not just tears, but anger and frustration.
That aside, in a library filled with people I am beyond baffled that not one other person bothered to step up and help that girl.
Why? Well because there were two young people in the library. A dating couple, the young man was rather loud and in her face. The young lady was quiet, and flinched when he got so close I could barely see air between them.
Clearly they have a history. I do not pretend to know it all, but what portions I do know based upon their frequent visits and my instincts, suggests a less than pleasant relationship. So after his exit and return from the building (at least ten times) and a brief conversation with her in the bathroom, I called the police.
You see, I left my position at the circulation desk while he was barring her way into the bathroom… walked straight up to them and stated, “You need to let her go.” In that split second wherein the words left my mouth and I began to question my ability to MAKE him let her go, I realized I had no way of truly defending her, or myself. He isn’t a big guy (praise the Lord) and he had enough sense to let her go. But still, he was angry and I didn’t have any other words to say.
I just don’t know if I am capable of dealing with that kind of incident with parents involved, or even with several youth or children. I mean really, I get seriously emotional. Not just tears, but anger and frustration.
That aside, in a library filled with people I am beyond baffled that not one other person bothered to step up and help that girl.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
woo ooooh!
I purchased three seasons of Ducktales! YAY for cartoons!
I'm building my video collections and instead of going for the "classics" I opted for something silly!
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
"Work began immediately in typical American style, without too much paperwork or bureaucratic fuss." Around the World in 80 Days by Jules Verne
(Currently I am listening to all manner of class literature available through the library, I heard this statement and chuckled... doesn't that make 1873 sound preferable to our current state of affairs is Washington with concerns to all things political and financial for our country? Sounds good anyway...)
It got better: "The speed with which the track was laid would not at all affect the quality of its construction."
Ah yes, speed and quality ;-)
(Currently I am listening to all manner of class literature available through the library, I heard this statement and chuckled... doesn't that make 1873 sound preferable to our current state of affairs is Washington with concerns to all things political and financial for our country? Sounds good anyway...)
It got better: "The speed with which the track was laid would not at all affect the quality of its construction."
Ah yes, speed and quality ;-)
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